Breaking the Boy Code: Male Athletes and Emotional Repression

Apr 21

“Man up.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Get over it.”

These phrases have shaped generations of boys — especially athletes — into believing that strength means silence and that vulnerability is weakness.

But what happens when silence becomes a cage? When emotions aren’t expressed, but buried? When pain isn’t processed, but masked behind a jersey and a game face?

For countless male athletes, this is the reality. And it’s killing them slowly.

The Myth of the Tough Guy

From youth leagues to professional sports, boys are taught early that emotional toughness is non-negotiable. Expressions of sadness, fear, or vulnerability are often seen as incompatible with the "alpha" athletic identity. Researchers have long referred to this as hegemonic masculinity — the cultural ideal of male dominance, control, and stoicism (Connell & Messerschmidt, 2005).

In athletics, this standard is amplified.

A 2021 study in the Journal of Sport and Social Issues found that male athletes were significantly more likely than their non-athlete peers to internalize traditional masculine norms, especially those that discourage emotional expression. This internalization increases the risk of emotional suppression — a powerful predictor of depression, anxiety, substance abuse, and suicidal ideation.

Emotional Repression and Its Psychological Cost

Depression in Disguise

Male athletes often don't present with the “classic” symptoms of depression. Instead of sadness and tears, they exhibit anger, irritability, substance use, or emotional numbness. A study published in Psychology of Men & Masculinity(2018) found that men with high levels of conformity to masculine norms were more likely to show “male-typical” depressive symptoms — and less likely to seek help.

This is especially dangerous in athletic environments that praise grit and punish perceived weakness.

According to Athletes for Hope (2021), while 35% of elite athletes experience mental health struggles, only 10% seek professional help. For men, the numbers are even lower due to stigma, fear of judgment, and identity conflict.

The Mask of Anger

In the absence of emotional expression, many male athletes channel their unspoken pain into anger. According to The Journal of Clinical Sport Psychology (2020), repressed emotion among male athletes is strongly associated with aggressive behavior, poor conflict resolution, and strained relationships with teammates, coaches, and loved ones.

Worse still, this anger often turns inward.

In one of the most sobering NCAA reports to date (2023), suicide was listed as the second-leading cause of death among male college athletes. Many of these athletes had no documented history of mental illness, suggesting their struggles were hidden — even to those closest to them.

The Identity Trap: I Am What I Do

For many athletes, sport isn’t just an activity — it’s an identity. But when that identity becomes the only lens through which they see their worth, the emotional stakes rise dramatically.

This concept is known as identity foreclosure — when a person’s sense of self is heavily tied to a single role or performance metric. In a 2019 study from The American Journal of Sports Psychiatry, athletes with identity foreclosure were 3 times more likely to experience symptoms of depression and 5 times more likely to consider suicide after injury, benching, or retirement.

When vulnerability is taboo, these athletes have no emotional outlet — just internal pressure and external expectations.

Cultural and Racial Layers

For male athletes of color, the emotional repression is often compounded by cultural expectations and systemic barriers. A 2020 Journal of Black Psychology study found that Black male athletes experience a dual burden — navigating both racial identity and athletic identity — which often leads to increased emotional suppression and psychological distress.

Cultural stigma surrounding mental health, especially in Black, Latino, and Indigenous communities, further discourages emotional expression and help-seeking behavior. Many are told to “pray it away” or “tough it out,” reinforcing silence over self-care.

The Cost of Silence

The price of bottling everything up isn’t just internal — it affects performance, relationships, and long-term well-being.

According to Frontiers in Psychology (2023), emotionally repressed athletes are more prone to:

Burnout and performance decline
Injury recurrence due to stress and overtraining
Relationship conflicts with coaches, teammates, and partners
Risky coping mechanisms (e.g., alcohol, drugs, compulsive behaviors)

They may look fine on the outside — but emotionally, they’re running on empty.

Breaking the Code: What Needs to Change

It’s not enough to tell male athletes to “speak up.” We must create environments where speaking up feels safe and masculine norms are redefined to include emotional authenticity.

1. Redefine Toughness

Real strength is vulnerability. Teams and coaches must reframe mental toughness to include emotional intelligence and self-awareness. As NBA star Kevin Love said, “Being strong doesn’t mean you don’t struggle — it means you’re brave enough to face it.”

2. Embed Mental Health Education in Athletics

Coaches, trainers, and athletic directors should receive training in mental health literacy. Programs like Mental Health First Aid, QPR (Question, Persuade, Refer), and The Hidden Opponent can help normalize conversations and identify warning signs early.

3. Elevate Male Athlete Voices

Male athletes need to hear from peers who’ve been through it. Players like Dak Prescott, Michael Phelps, and DeMar DeRozan have spoken publicly about their struggles with depression and anxiety. Their honesty is reshaping the narrative around male emotion in sport.

4. Create Emotional Checkpoints

Locker rooms should have regular, confidential opportunities for players to check in on their mental state — just like physical health screenings. These small shifts can lead to earlier intervention and reduced stigma.

5. Diversify the Support System

Athletes should have access to culturally competent and gender-informed mental health professionals who understand the pressures of sport and the impact of masculinity norms.

My Thoughts

The “Boy Code” tells male athletes to be strong, stoic, and silent. But silence doesn’t heal. It hides pain — until it explodes or takes a life.

It’s time we rewrite that code.
It's time we redefine strength.
Because every male athlete deserves to be seen not just as a performer, but as a whole person — one who can cry, feel, talk, and heal.

Let’s build locker rooms where feelings aren’t punished, but protected.
Let’s build teams where silence isn’t strength — vulnerability is.
Let’s build a culture where our boys become whole men, not just hard ones.

References

Connell, R. W., & Messerschmidt, J. W. (2005). Hegemonic masculinity: Rethinking the concept. Gender & Society, 19(6), 829–859.
Steinfeldt, J. A., et al. (2011). Masculinity, athletic identity, and help-seeking in male college athletes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 58(3), 273–282.
Rice, S. M., et al. (2016). Male athletes and mental health: Vulnerability and stigma. British Journal of Sports Medicine, 50(8), 505–506.
NCAA (2023). Student-Athlete Well-Being Study: Mental Health Trends among College Athletes.
American Journal of Sports Psychiatry (2019). The risks of identity foreclosure in athletes and implications for mental health.
O’Neil, J. M. (2008). Summarizing 25 years of research on men's gender role conflict using the Gender Role Conflict Scale. The Counseling Psychologist, 36(3), 358–445.
Frontiers in Psychology (2023). Emotional repression and its impact on athletic performance and injury recovery.
Journal of Black Psychology (2020). The double burden of racial identity and athlete identity among Black male student-athletes.
Kivel, P. (1999). Boys will be men: Raising our sons for courage, caring, and community. New Society Publishers.
Athletes for Hope (2021). Mental Health Statistics for Athletes. Retrieved from https://www.athletesforhope.org
Wong, Y. J., et al. (2018). Conformity to masculine norms and depression: A meta-analytic review. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 19(3), 323–335.

Drew Clark